You Go, Stalin!

Today in the World Briefs section of The New York Times comes a headline that I found a tad misleading: Stalin Called Responsible for Katyn Killings. Now I understand what the article is actually talking about. I understand that Stalin killed a whole mess of people, including the 20,000 Polish officers that Russia has finally admitted responsibility for. What I don’t understand is the word choice in the headline.

Why not say “Stalin was responsible…” or “Russia admits Soviet responsibility for…”? Saying that Stalin has been “called responsible” could lead to misinterpretation. When I first read the headline, it came across as someone calling Stalin responsible for killing 20,000 people. As in, “Hey Stalin, killing those 20,000 Polish officers and then blaming it on the Nazis sure was a responsible thing to do.”

It seems like such a simple change to make. After all, saying that Stalin was responsible for something that he was pretty obviously responsible for isn’t the real story. The story is that the Russian government has formally admitted responsibility, so the government should at least be mentioned in the headline.

5 Things I'm Looking Forward to This Week

Thanksgiving
Turkey, stuffing, dressing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, fruit salad, key lime pie, and boxed wine. Of course, I don’t eat stuffing, dressing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, fruit salad, or key lime pie and I don’t drink boxed wine, so I pretty much just eat turkey. And if my dad cuts the meat of the drumstick rather than let me have my turkey leg, I’m going to find a new family.

 

Cowboys and Lions
It’s going to be so exciting to watch two top-notch football squads this Thursday: the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Lions. I’m go glad the NFL clings so desperately to meaningless and unfair traditions. There’s no better way to be set up for the disappointment of my dad cutting the meat off the drumstick than by wallowing in six hours of Cowboys and Lions football.

 

Black Friday
Every year Black Friday, that crazy shopping day following Thanksgiving, makes me thankful that I no longer work in retail. I don’t know how I spent so many years going in to work at 5 in the morning (or earlier) to enable cheapskate scumbags in their shameless materialism.

 

Fallout
I am going to play the crap out of some video games this week. Two days off means two extra days to spend gaming. I have a Destroy All Humans game that received terrible reviews (that’s bad), but I can still run around giving people anal probes (that’s good).

 

End of NaNoWriMo
Although the month of November doesn’t end this week, the teaching of NaNoWriMo in my classes does. Although I’ve enjoyed having the opportunity to participate in NaNoWriMo with my classes, who have for the most part exceeded my expectations, I will be glad to return to more traditional lessons and actual teaching. Short stories, Poe, and timed writes will be a fun way to end the semester.

 

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Comic Book Advice

I need help with comic books. First, what tiny whatever should I use as ratings in comic book reviews? Comic Book Guy is too easy. Second, what comic books (preferably contemporary (I don’t have time to read 37 years of Batman)) should I read? I’ve got the Buffy comics, so I think I’m going start there. I might also try Watchmen, although I didn’t care for what I’ve read of V for Vendetta.

Superman: Earth One

Superman: as emo sith vampire creature.

Emo? Vampire? Sith?

I don’t understand. I just don’t understand. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not very experienced in the world of comic books. I’m more familiar with the movie adaptations and cartoon series than with the original source materials. But ignorance of the medium aside, I don’t understand what the creators of Superman: Earth One were thinking.

Okay, they were probably thinking, “Hey let’s reboot another classic comic series in a shameless attempt to make more money without creating new original content!” That much I can understand. But shouldn’t the rebooting of arguably the most iconic comic book character and superhero of all time be something more original than 136 pages of “With great power comes great responsibility.”? That’s pretty much what Superman: Earth One is: emo Twilight Clark Kent wanders around, wondering how he could best make use of his powers, as he flashes back to the words and advice of his deceased father.

If that plot sound familiar, it’s probably because it’s the first twenty minutes or so of a Spiderman movie. And that’s at the heart of my confusion surrounding Earth One: why make a Superman reboot that is so blatantly similar to Spiderman. Kent even gets a job at the newspaper by publishing articles about himself, which is very similar to what Peter Parker does in Spiderman. Like I said, I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to comic book canon and continuity, so maybe that’s something that has happened in other envisionings, but this particular reboot is, according to what I learned from 37 seconds of Googling, to reintroduce the character of Superman to a younger generation, a generation that probably has a greater familiarity with the Sam Raimi Spiderman films than with Superman Returns. There is the possibility that the creators of Earth One are playing off Spiderman‘s greater renown with the kids these days, but that’s no excuse for turning Superman into a generic, cookie-cutter superhero cliche.

Even the climactic fight sequence is generic and uninspired. Some Final Fantasy-looking Sting impersonator comes to destroy Earth, to finish the war the destroyed Krypton by killing Superman, Krypton’s only survivor. They fight each other and, in a not-quite-literal translation of deus ex machina, the spaceship that Superman came to Earth in comes to life and saves him. That’s something I would expect from Batman. Batman is the one who fights with an endless array of conveniently existent mechanical devices, Superman is supposed to have special powers. Lots of them. But for all his super strength, speed, heat vision, ice breath, and ability to survive in the vacuum of deep space, in Superman Earth One he needs help from a flying saucer. I’m not a Superman fanboy, but that’s just weak.

If anyone should be able to overcome adversity using only the powers granted him by a yellow sun, it’s Superman. Even a young, unsure-of-himself Superman shouldn’t need a machine to bail him out. And, to make matters worse, some of the last frames are of Superman sitting in an ice cave at the pole (which a totally unnecessary polar bear peeking in), talking to the spaceship, which tells him “Your task is to survive.” Okay, that’s cool, maintain the Krypton lifeline and whatnot. “To use your powers well and wisely.” Okay, that sentiment has been beaten to death throughout the book, but it’s a worthy rule of thumb for Superman to live by. “And to avenge the murder of your homeworld.” Okay, no wait–avenge the murder of his homeworld? Isn’t that Batman’s thing? Batman is the revenge-obsessed maniac, Superman is the honourable hero, the hero that fights for truth, justice, and the American way. Even people who don’t like comic books know that.

The revenge angle is such a shameless and pointless attempt to interject some pathos into a character that doesn’t need any. Superman’s pathos should come from within; from his desire to integrate into society, but his fundamental inability to realistic do so. Superman doesn’t need a death wish vendetta. Superman needs a villain to outshine and space to fly. Sadly, Superman: Earth One gives him neither. I don’t have a rating system for comics yet (tiny Comic Book Guys is too obvious), but if I did, I would give it 1 tiny whatever.

Awesome Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

It shouldn’t surprise me that a movie where the world is like one big video game is obnoxiously in-your-face, over-the-top, and simplistically ridiculous, because most video games are obnoxiously in-your-face, over-the-top, and simplistically ridiculous. And it shouldn’t surprise me that a movie where the world is like one big video game is incredibly misogynistic. Female video game characters are usually little more than cosplay prostitutes, flouncing and bouncing around for the titillation of easily amused pubescent boys. And gamer girls (and even girls who are just perceived to be gamers, or even just gamer-friendly) are shamelessly objectified to the point where they can get jobs working for The Daily Show, even though they clearly do not have the comedic skills necessary for such a role. So I shouldn’t have surprised me that Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is such a simplistically misogynistic movie. But it did.

The plot of Scott Pilgrim is simple: boy becomes obsessed with a girl he doesn’t even know, stalks her, then (because good-looking girls just love being stalked by strange Canadians) gets to date her, only to find out that, in order to date her, he must defeat  her exes in video-game-style combat. Okay, so maybe that’s not a very simple explanation. How about this: cute indie girl is property. Hipsters fight over her, because they want to possess the finest property. I think that pretty much sums up the basic plot of the movie.

But Shawn, you might be saying, isn’t this just a damsel-in-distress plot, with George Michael trying to free the girl from the clutches of her hipster exes? Aside from the fact that the damsel-in-distress archetype could easily be interpreted as phallocentricism in its purest form, the damsel-in-distress in Scott Pilgrim isn’t really that distressed. In fact, she seems pretty disinterested in everything. So, in addition to being a fetishized object to be fought over and possessed, the character of Ramona isn’t even a real character. She has no personality, no history other than how she is defined in relation to her exes. She is a hair style, or more specifically, a hair color, making her a textbook definition of an object of fetishistic scopophila.

And then there’s the character of Knives, the underage Asian Catholic schoolgirl who is obsessed with George Michael. She, too, has no real character; she exists to freak out and to scheme ways of becoming George Michael’s property again. She even takes the Vertigo approach, changing her hairstyle to match Ramona’s, not-so-subtly pointing out the only aspect of Ramona’s person that George Michael cares about.

In addition to being misogynistic, Scott Pilgrim is also relentless stupid. The director forces in video game style HUD notifications, as if in a desperately insulting attempt to point out to us, the hapless viewer, that the movie is actually supposed to be like a video game, as if the stylized violence and characters exploded into coins didn’t already let us know that. The movie might have been more enjoyable if the director didn’t feel the need to beat us over the head with the obvious, if the characters had casually gone about their business, as if the video game aspect of their lives was completely natural and normal. But that’s not the path the director chose. He chose the path of unnecessary and insulting graphics, which is disappointing because the director, Edgar Wright, also directed really good movies, like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

Sadly, the talent Wright displayed in those films is absent here. Or it could be that those films were more the result of the talents of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that, when left to fend for himself with nothing but the blank expressions of Michael Cera, Wright isn’t able to pull his own weight. Regardless, Scott Pilgrim is an awful movie. It’s insulting to women, to video gamers, to hipsters, and to its own audience. On my scale of one to five tiny heads of Sergei Eisenstein, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World merits the dreaded evil tiny head of Sergei Eisenstein.

Evil tiny head of Sergei Eisenstein

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